lazyfilmcritic

Carnage sounds like the title of a bad action movie where an aging Jean Claude Van Damme has to avenge his dead twin brother. There would be explosions in it, maybe attractive blonde with daddy issues. Buts its not, and there’s not and there’s not. Carnage actually stars Christoph Waltz and Kate Winslet as parents trying to leave a room. John C Reilly and Jodie Foster are also in the room. They don’t want to leave the room though. It’s their room. They live there. They don’t only live in that one room, they have other rooms. Everyone just seems stuck in this one room.

There is no story. Nothing happens. They don’t even manage to leave the room. They just argue about semantics and other superficial elements of their existence. Its important to point out that they’re not physically trapped in this room, that would provide an obstacle to be overcome and maybe even create some kind of plot. No, they all just stay in this room, bound there by social constructs that none of them seem to care about or even understand.

• At the cinema, The Hobbit trailer comes on.
• Me: That's gonna be so good.
• Rob: I couldn't really get into the Lord Of The Rings Films.
• Me: ...
• Rob:
• Me:
• Rob:
• Me:
• Rob: Maybe if I read the books first.
• All of my hate.

Definitely thinking about writing a full length script of ‘Desmond The Moon Bear’. It could begin with Desmond on the moon with no memory and then he could Bourne Identity his way back home. Or he could just be a bear living in a zoo, suspecting nothing, and then a series of unlikely circumstances could put him on the moon. It’d require a lot of incompetent zookeepers and NASA security staff. Or it could be about a bear who’s always dreamed of going to the moon, he could befriend a couple of cynical flightless birds and a tortoise who just wants to see the world. 

Billy Crystal had nothing on Jackman. The second when he says i’m gonna do one anyway warms my heart. I’M WOLVERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!

Since this is all new and it looks really empty, gonna try and pad it out with some shameless reblogging. Might also get drunk and post every idea for a script i’ve ever had. Most of them involve bears.

Got one of them there wordpress blogs for more serious film reviews. At the moment reviews of Carnage (Polanski, 2011) and The Descendants (Payne, 2011) are up.

http://alexdibb.wordpress.com/